Here’s another confession: when I allow myself to be emotionally vulnerable, I also tend to emotionally withdraw. So before publishing yesterday’s post, I disabled the comments. (Please forgive me, Prissy and Bee!) I’ll be the first to admit that it was a cowardly move. It was also unfair to you as readers. It was probably even a bit immature. But I guess I was nervous about the possible…I don’t know…backlash (for lack of a better word). As crazy as it may sound, I really thought that people would poke fun at the fact that I will soon be entering my 30s and am essentially friendless.
As I mentioned in the post, I felt that I had to be the only 20-something woman that was longing for close female friendships. As it turns out, I couldn’t have been more wrong. After receiving some unbelievably supportive e-mails, I found the courage to enable the comments and received even more support from my readers. I never imagined that so many women would be in the same boat. From other single mothers to introverts to women who had lost touch with old friends, you guys confided in me and let me know that, contrary to what I thought, I am NOT alone. Part of me feels relieved to know that there are other women out there experiencing what I’m feeling, but another part of me feels sad that there are other women there experiencing what I’m feeling. I mean, it’s nice to know that I’m not alone, but at the same time, the feeling of loneliness can be agonizing, and it hurts my heart to know that other women are dealing with the overwhelming sense of isolation that comes with having few meaningful friendships (or none at all).
Each time I read a comment or an e-mail or a Twitter DM from one of you, I was able to experience the very thing I’m longing for—that emotional support, that closeness, that trust. I received virtual hugs (thank you, YaYa! Hugs are always welcome!), offers of friendship (of course I want to be your friend, Kfloveinme! You’ll be my excuse to visit New York! I haven’t been in years!), advice on being more comfortable in social situations (thank you for the link to the article, Asia!), and even an offer to be a bridesmaid should I become a bride (I’m going to hold you to it, irishdancer2459! LOL! And we should get together—we’re both single moms in Dallas with boys close in age. But we’ll save the bottomless mimosas for when we hang out without the boys! LOL!).
What I’m trying to say is thank you. Every. Single. One. Of. You. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for supporting my blog. Thank you for your kind words, your compliments, your time. But most importantly, thank you for giving me a taste of what it must be like to be Carrie and her crew…
[We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled program tomorrow!]
OOOH, glad you opened up the comments, I wanted to comment yesterday but couldn't early on. I have never watched that TV show, so I don't know what you're referring to, but I completely understand you. I don't have any friends I talk to on a daily basis (except my husband). I'm not on Facebook. It takes a huge effort to call any of my friends, because I usually don't know what to talk about. It's very difficult for me to initiate. So while I have friends, I often feel awkward in social settings, though I don't look like it. I've just come to accept the way I am, while pushing myself once in a while to be more friendly!
ReplyDeleteI have few close friends that mean the world to me, I just don't really open up to anyone else. I've been told I come off as cold and disinterested in others. Around my best friends I'm loud and crazy but around my just 'friends' I'm more reserved. I'm worried that my just 'friends' won't like the real me, so I'm pretty closed off. I'm working on opening up to others. It's hard to make long lasting friendships, you're not alone! I have one best friend that I've been friends with for almost 7 years. I hope we'll be best friends forever.
ReplyDeletexxx
I really dont have that many friends either! But if you need one, I am here for you :)
ReplyDeleteIvonneStacy.blogspot.com
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ReplyDeleteI am glad that you posted this because I too am currently dealing with a very similiar situation. I had several friends in my college days but for one reason or the other we all seemed to grow apart and lose contact. I have recently moved to Philadelphia where I do not know a soul. I live with my boyfriend and that is the only person I know but I too long for that female bonding and "girl talk", shopping trips, lunch, and venting sessions! I have two close freinds but both are busy people and live a distance. So....I completely identify girl! It's not just you as you have realized. I am thinking of joining a gym/exercise classes in the area or possibly volunteering somewhere with hopes of networking and meeting new people. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing! :-)
ReplyDeleteLove Ya blog my the way!!! Great/Unique Style!
Check me out if you have a chance!
www.superfashionista23.blogspot.com
Ty, as soon as I read your post, I felt compelled to comment. I, too, long for the friendships as seen on SATC (I’m Charlotte mixed with a little bit of Carrie) and Girlfriends (I’m Joan topped off with a bit of Tony Chiles). Even though they were fictional characters, they’re relationships stood the tests of time. I’m even a bit envious
ReplyDeleteI’m the total opposite of you when it comes to meeting people. I’m an extrovert at heart. I have a big personality & I’m very confident in a room full of people. I’m a social butterfly. I really know how to “work a crowd”. NOW the problem is….I don’t know how to be this person in a one-on-one setting. I clam up. I get nervous. I become uncomfortable. I don’t know what to talk about. BUT, if you can finally break through that hard exterior of mine, I go right back to being this social butterfly. Its just weird. This is one of the reasons for my failed post-friendships.
My second, and probably the worst reason, is women. Period. A lot of women are just so jealous, and don’t want to see other women succeed. They don’t want to see you happy (especially if they aren’t happy). They don’t want to see you doing better than they are. They are competitive & conniving. You know, just plain out hatin. Not all women are. But, I haven’t come across a potential “friend” who has not portrayed these characteristics (during the friendship). It’s crazy.
I yearn for at least faithful 2 girlfriends. I wont even be greedy and ask for 3. Just give me 2 solid friendships & I would be so happy. At this point in my life, I’ve become hopeless. I don’t even “try” anymore. That’s what they say about love, don’t they? You don’t have to look for love, it will find you! Well, I have love, so I guess that will be my new motto for friendship: You don’t have to look for friendship, it will find you!!
Prissy
Awwwww shucks! I'm not an emotional person AT ALL but I started to get a little misty eyed reading this! LOL! You see you gained a few more friends just by posting this! We may not all live in the same area but we all got your back! And when you come to NY...Holla at your friend! ;-)
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy you had such a positive response to your confession!
ReplyDeleteAnd we should get together sometime! We can be introverted together!! Lol!